Last night, I had a rough and rowdy sex with a guy I’ve just met in PlanetRomeo. The sex was a bit sado-masochistic with a surplus of insults and curses but less the chains and leather. I actually find it sexy, arousing and exciting. A perfect blend of fear and lust, elements that make your hormones swoon over your judgment.
His dick was of average length but the girth… FAT about 5 inches in circumference. The sex started with torrid fast kisses with fencing tongues. I started to strip him and at the sight of his buldge, I knew that first entry was going to hurt. I continued to explore his body with my tongue then I sucked him. I started to sit on him but after several trials, it just won’t fit. He decided to let me lie on my back on his bed and he’ll do the work. The first thrust was excruciating... painful as hell. I told him not to push yet and let me adjust with his monster. When I felt that I’ve loosen up, I let him thrust rhythmically. The sensation was phenomenal… It wasn’t hitting the button but the feeling of him pushing and pulling was ecstatic. Lapat na lapat, damang dama ang bawat pagindayog at pagkadyot.
After the hormonal rush and exploding hormones, sex ended. I was happy yet a part of me felt austere. There was a thought, an emotion that is a bit blurred and unknown to me, something I am not familiar with. The sex was great. The encounter with a stranger felt dangerous yet exciting, arousing. But a part of my soul yearns for more. It tells me I am not satisfied. After my fleshly desires were satiated, my spirit or perhaps my humanity was still left hungry.
A touch, a kiss, an embrace, a pat are all much more meaningful and memorable if it bears an emotion. May the emotion be anger, empathy, love or hate. The emotions thru touch imprints into our souls, embed itself into our memory. But these encounters are a bit senseless with one recurring theme, lust. All of this gestures done to pass off lust. I will not say that I do not enjoy meaningless sex but a part of me is slowly growing tired of the superficiality and the meaninglessness of the act thereof. The forgettable lingering converge of the flesh, the warm barrage of thoughtless caress, and the coldness of the torrid kisses, all offer no groundings, no imprint to the soul, and do not bring refuge to the being inside the flesh.
And perhaps that is why I love you; that is why I cannot let you go. Because I might have sex with all the guys in the world but it is only with you that I make love. It is only with your touch that I feel commitment. It is only with your gazes that I feel connected. It is only thru your kisses that I feel that you leave a piece of your soul into mine. It is only thru our physical entwinement that I feel a cathartic self-forgiveness, an unbreakable vow. It is only thru “us” that I feel the very binding of my soul to yours into a one new being
With this, I solemnly say, "I love you."
You still are the only exception…
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