Work related stuff

I’m always told that my looks is not my greatest asset. I agree… Even my mom told me so in a conversation after watching late night TV. I’ve asked, “Mom, I’m handsome, right?” She replied nonchalantly “Don’t worry, dear… You’re smart anyway.” OUCH >_<

I’ve gotten a new job in a call center somewhere in QC. I’ve fancied this boy here.

I met him during my interview for the same company. I didn’t think that we would be in the same account. He’s well mannered, cultured, fluent in English (well he came from a school notorious for being wersh-wersh if you know what I mean). On top of that… He’s hot, chinito with a flawless skin and did I mention soooo hot?

He was one of my call training buddy (someone you observe while he takes calls). I was flustered sitting beside him (wishing I’m seating on him… hehe). He made my day and every time I see him it’s like all the stress floats away.

Cutting the story short. He’s straight and recently had this a girlfriend who’s in the same team with him. So faggots zero – girls one point.

I was so interested in him that time that one else compares. Then there was this guy we’ll call Z. 

He’s chinito, cute, fun to talk with and has a great sense of humor. Z is my smoking buddy. And ever since I’ve started smoking, I realized that nicer conversation arise when you have something to puff on. We became close. But I’m not really eyeing on Z since he’s also straight. I consider him one of my barkada boys.

He went to work one morning not being his normal self. He’s a bit quiet that morning. After work, he was looking for something to do. I told him that we can go to my place, drink and swim at the pool. He said it’s ok.

We bought 1 litre of Soju and since we were only the one drinking, we we’re drunk by the time we finished it. In the middle of drinking, he told me his insecurities, his sadness. Z let me in and introduced me to the little boy inside him.Gave him some things to think about on how to approach his problems (primarily Wittgenstein's doctrines, Berkeley's esse est percipi, Bentham's utilitarianism and other philosophical doctrines that I am interested on)

We took a swim for a few minutes just to sober up a bit and that's how I realized the his lean with chiseled abs. We went back to the condo for shower; we did it together with only our briefs on. Haha

After that, he was drying up and was removing his briefs. Then his phone rang. He answered it with nothing on but the towel he was holding between his legs knowing that I’m looking at his abs. I guess that was my go signal. Teased him a bit. And just like spaghetti in hot water, the straight boy bent. Let’s just say he was a treat, a big treat. Haha (faggots 1 - girls 1)

The great thing about Z is that we weren’t awkward with each other at all after that. We were still smoking buddies, jokes around during break time and have clean drinking sessions every now and then. Though, recently he had a girlfriend. But that didn’t stop things from happening but that’s a different story (faggots 2 - girls 1hehe).

What was memorable is this…

After doing the deed with Z, he said as I smelled alcohol in his breath, “You know it’s not your looks, it’s your mind that’s just… you know… like … wow”.

I guess my mom had it right. haha

Maxim 1.1.1

It dawned on me. The essential difference between commitment and ownership in relationships is this. Commitment is a covenant to the self that one will honor the terms of the relationship. The sacrifices, time and effort one will willingly invest for that relationship to prosper is commitment. Ownership is asking someone to invest or sacrifice his time, effort or at times dreams for the relationship.

Commitment in a relationship should come voluntarily from a person to give and take for the benefit of the relationship. He should be willing to reply to messages, and set aside time from his busy schedule for the relationship. It is a conscious effort of oneself that he does with happiness and freedom.

Ownership is asking someone to “honor their commitment” in terms that is acceptable for themselves. It is asking their partners to reply at every “Good Morning”, “Where are you”, “Have you had lunch” text messages that they sent. Ownership is expressed in a way that it holds the relationship as a ransom or implying that if he won’t do it, then he doesn’t love her anymore. 

When you are committed, you actually made a commitment to yourself. That you will honor your words and, you will give time. You are not proving anything to your lover  because love requires no proof but is a proof itself. 

Ownership is usually masked with “You should do this because you love me”. Commitment is “I will do this because I love you.” Commitment is quintessentially “I will”. Ownership, “You will”.

(And this is why I don't like girls... . Girls thinks they own your every waking moment)

Trophy Boyfriend

Love is not the face that could launch a thousand ships

It is his laughter that makes him lose poise

When I crack a joke that only we understand

Love is not the flawless skin that shimmers like diamonds under the sun

It is his caress on cold nights

Breaking my guard and giving me warmth

Love is not godlike visage that turns head on a busy street

It is his unadorned face while he sleeps soundly

Dreaming, fleeing from this earth

Love is not the smile that weakens the knees

It is his wisdom that gets me thru my mess

Love is not what is seen;

It is what is not.

You fail. You start again

When the sunrise decides to cover itself with monsoon clouds

And the birds of morning decides to sleep forever,

You should only light up a cigarette

And take that deep breath

And smile

That you see a day in a different palette

When the movie doesn’t end as you wished it to be

And when you hear the answers that you’re not looking for

You should throw your fist up the sky

To know that you’re not dreaming

That you’re living and still hoping

And when the castle crumbles, that one you built with blood and sleepless nights

You should close your eyes

And dream of a new one

With better walls and taller towers

And you should open your eyes

And learn from this failure

For the world will never turn for you

Nor the tides will part at your command

But thru your hands

And thru eyes

You hope, you dream, you fail

And you start again

Lord of the ring - Into the West (choral version)

It's been raining all throughout the week. This gave me a chance to watch LOTR extended trilogy...
I found this gem in Youtube....

Fiction: Eli and Abel

With a final thrust, he released shots of white fluid of ecstasy.

Room was dimly light just enough to see the outline of their faces.

Both grasping for their breath, Eli rested his head on Abel’s chest. Their hearts that were pounding by a fast beat had slowly calmed and they caught their breath.

Abel was playing fondly with his lover’s hair. Eli took a deep breath and asked, “Is Lisa picking you up at the airport tomorrow?”

“Yes, she said the kids might come along. I said there’s no need.”

Eli stared at their shoes lying around the floor. They were all over the place with no pair beside one another. He inhaled.

“Does she know?”

“All she knows is that I’m with my best man.”

“I guess that’s a bit accurate.”

They smiled and they embraced each other more tightly.

The AC humming was the only sound that filled the air.

“Are you happy with these? Is this how far that we can go?”

“I have obligations.”

Eli sighed then said, “Read to me… like you used to.”

He grabbed his eyeglass and a notebook on the bedside table.

He opened his mouth and took in air.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot…
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind…
Each pray'r accepted, and each….

Eli lifted his head and reached for his lips. He kissed it slowly as if he had it all for his own. His eyes were shut tightly, holding back his tears.

Eli let go of his lips and whispered to his ear as he laid flat on top of Abel. He said,

    No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole

    Rise Alps between us… and whole oceans roll

    Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me…

    Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee…

 Eli had let his tears fall on a pillow drenched with sweat.

Petrichor

It has already been two years since I met Joel. Time as we know changes things and in two years a lot can happen with people.

People change on their own phase. We reach goals and start new one. We create then destroy. Inside of our flesh is a universe where we reconcile disarrays in our lives. And at times, even we don't realize how much we have changed in such a short time.



Lately, we have a lot of disagreements and emotional outbursts that we try to reconcile. And it made me wonder at times why we're having these arguments frequently now after we've already been with each other for two years. I've realized that that was exactly the reason: Time. You are no longer the person I've known two years ago. You've changed.

Somehow as a relationship lasts, complacency surfaces. The feeling of being at ease with someone so familiar makes people overlook changes that happen with the same person they love. As time moves on and these new things start to pile, you realize that you don't know the person you've been with for so long and you yearn to find that same guy you've first met. And that is where problems start.

People change. You've changed and I must also know that so did I. We must learn to accept those changes and we must work harder with more patience so we can make this relationship lasts. I will regret losing you not because we've already been together for 2 years but because we could grow for the better in years to come.

Every time we reconcile our disagreements, it is like the sweet scent a storm leaves on dry earth that makes the ground fertile for life to grow. After every rain in our days, we grow together yet I must remember we also grow as individuals.


Happy 2nd Anniversary.