I know it had been hard for you lately. You might not notice it but every time you stare blankly into space, I know you're not ok. But you know its was half your fault. You fell in love with the wrong person and you fought for him even when he was pushing you away.
You had reflected on what he believes in so you would understand why you and him isn't so. But had he reflected upon your beliefs, your wants or your needs? Has he really or had you just grew too familiar that days without you beside him won't be the same-being afraid of losing you yet not really knowing where you fit in his life? Were you his victim? An innocent boy toyed around?
You were also half responsible for everything. You stayed when you could've walked away. You hoped when you knew it's time to give up. You took the tears and kept it to yourself when you should have screamed and called it quit. And now your in it too deep that it hurts too much to let him go.
We are young my friend. And we are easily blinded with emotions and frustrations. We fight for thing that already gave up on us. We wait when they say they are not coming. We hope that we get that fairy tale ending in the end. But that's not life, cause in reality life sucks. Shit happens and the world make it to throw it at you. And don't just sit there and wait for it to hit you HOPING that it won't.
When he says "I love you" you know he meant it in a totally different way that compared to how you conceived that phrase to be meant but you respond that you love him too- lying to yourself perhaps he really does understand you.
Enough my friend. There is so much in you. So much in you that's waiting to explode. Enough of the compromises, and the repression. You need to break free and make something of yourself. You need to be happy in the way that you want to be happy. You have very little control over the way things in this world unfold but at least you have control over your heart- make sure you that advantage of that. you'll find someone who love you the way you want him to love you... Enough of this shit, get your life back.
"You gotta to go after the things you want when you're still in your prime
cause there's a fine fine line between love and a waste of time"