Dialogues with myself in Baguio

so what if you have a pretty face and a nice body?

then you would be able to get all the guys that you want


no. attraction is not as superficial as you think

men are all the same. It's all about sex. Sex with someone hot, with someone gym-buff or with someone with an angel's face can only be obtained if you are hot, rich or lucky. Very few are rich in this unfortunate country, and one cannot always leave it to luck, beauty is the easiest and most convenient mean to get that sex everyone fantasies about.


Sex lasts on a maximum of only a couple of hours then after that life continues. Sex could not give you satisfaction in this life. It cannot unveil to you the reason of your existence or the roads of happiness in this lifetime.

who wants that? life nowadays is as fleeting as the waves. only few would be given a long life to pursue their live's cause. the pursuit for meaning of existence is nothing more than another task that we usually postpone for later then tragedy strikes: heart attack, cancer, plane crash, car accidents, etc. no one really finish with this life. so why pursue something that you are not sure you will achieve? the short term things, the superficial, the ephemeral are quantifiable, achievable, realistic and are well with-in reach. This will give you happiness that you CAN experience.


Let me follow your argument. the sad reality is that you are not beautiful. So the "well-within-reach" happiness you aspire for is nothing more than a mere fantasy. So this proposition you aspire for is not for you. This path cannot lead you to happiness. You are not rich nor beautiful. But you are wise. Use that brain to gain the money. Use the money to gain the looks. Use the looks to gain the sex. Use the look and the money to gain power. Ooooopppss that's too long of a cycle already, and as you have said life is fleeting, you don't have enough time to be happy, bastard.

the flaw of your argument is obviously not the assumption that beauty brings happiness but the assumption that this statement is universalizable. This works for some but it won't work for you. You believed in things that will only hinder you from being happy. Perhaps you are destined to find happiness in a much nobler way. May that way traveled like a short trip, like you want want it or may it be a long journey... no one knows.

well, it's just me wishing. tragic i know and yes, it brings me sadness. every rejection I get I blame my face and my body for it. the pimply skin, the chobby midsection, the dark skin. Irrational, stupid, and self-destructive as my beliefs seem to be they are what i am programmed with. it takes time to unlearn it. I hate long processes. I never liked a slow-burn no matter where it occurs.


you're young.. you'll get better. it would be awesome just wait.

we're young. we'll get better. I would be awesome just wait

Oct 04, 2010

I wish to remember this simple day.



“Hon, Gising na” Then you woke me up with a kiss

“Morning breathe pa ko hon!”

“2:30 na”

“Ha? Teka lang 5 mins”

“I know where we’ll have the perfect Italian Lunch”

“hmmmm ahh.. san?” Still with my eyes shut

“Sa Don Bosco, but I’m not sure if they have all the parmesan that you’ll need”

“Rawrrr… Cheese monster!”


Then you kissed me a again softly